New York Encounter Part Deux: MalloMars to Venus

New York Encounter Part Deux: MalloMars to Venus

MallomarsIt’s Sunday evening around 8pm and I am walking home from parking my car on the west side. I have a bag of groceries in one arm, a score from the an out of town trip with my theatre company. I’m an opportunist when the option arises to stock up on suburbia goodies for $20 when the same bag of groceries will cost you $55 in New York City. My husband’s favorite cookie Mallomars were on 2 for $5 which retail for $8 at the arm and a leg gourmet grocery around the corner. I felt victorious on my saunter home with my dirt cheap booty tucked under one arm. As I was strolling crosstown, a gruff sounding “Excuse me!” erupted from behind. Everyone’s in a hurry in this city. I moved to the side to let Mr. Bad-Attitude pass. A rotund black man with a 6” long beard who was missing his front tooth brushed passed me in linebacker fashion. We locked eyes. His stormy gate suddenly turned to slow motion.

“What’s your name?” he said to me, switching gears quickly from get-the-fuck-out-of-my- way to I’ve-got-plenty-of-time-for-you-babe.

“What’s yours?” I bounced back at him.

“Ishmael,” he said a bit lasciviously, looking me up and down again.

“I’m Isis,” I responded.

“Are you spoken for?”

“Very,” I quickly replied.

“He better hold onto you tight.”

I smiled. Ishmael continued “I’m just returning to dating. My sister is encouraging me to get out there.” Just then, his hardened player face cracked and I saw a wash of sadness sweep over him. His voice quivered for a moment. “My wife, I lost my wife.”

We both stopped in our tracks.

“I’m so very, very sorry to hear that Ishmael. What happened?”

“My wife died of breast cancer a year ago,” Ishmael’s gruff voice softened almost to a whisper. Tears pooledon his lower eyelids. “My sister tells me its time for me to start dating again. I’m… it’s so hard”

We stood silent for a few beats.  The sounds of New York City muted into the background and somehow I could hear only the sound of our breath. Two strangers simply being with each other in a deeply vulnerable and intimate moment.

“Ishamel, I am so very sorry for your loss. I know this must be very hard for you. You will never replace your wife. But you will absolutely find love again.”

“My wife was so special Isis.”

“I know she was Ishmael. And she would absolutely want you to love again and she absolutely wants you to be happy.”

A soft smile cracked through the dark clouds on his face.

“I think she would want that, yes,” spoke Ishmael.

We stared at each other another moment.

“Thank you,” Ishmael bowed his head for a moment and then walked away.

I shifted my armful of groceries to the other arm and continued my walk home, a little slower, more present and filled with the gratitude of small miracles –  more love just opened on the planet… and Mallomars were 2 for $5.

Sexual Identity Break-downs

ImageI took sometime this week to catch up with a woman who attended my Awakening the Sexual Shamanic Priestess Retreat.  Ami identified as a heterosexual woman, but after the retreat she found herself confused because she felt like she had met a twin flame, fellow soul mate who she was incredibly turned on by who happened to have a female body and self-identified as a lesbian.

Going to the retreat opened the door for my sexual priestess to walk in this world.  I feel like I am an adolescent who is just learning what it’s like to be in a woman’s body.  I actually self pleasure now on a regular basis. I am so sexually charged and just want to explore and express this but I am not sure how, the “opportunities” here are not worth it to me. That brings us to the current situation….. the girl.  Wow! There is so much attraction and desire and fantasy around this woman.  I have all of these mixed emotions going on.  It’s also this really exciting, adventurous, thrilling, sexually charged experience that I would love to explore but am terrified to do so. I wouldn’t even know where to begin with such a sexual being. She is someone who has had many partners and who is not afraid of physical contact. Me on the other hand am just figuring out my own body let alone how to bring someone else pleasure and I don’t kiss just anybody. It takes a lot just to do that.  My heart tells me I’m in love with her.   I do feel I might be bi-sexual which opens up Pandora’s box. This is all so new and scary and exciting.   I know this is not a matter of the head to figure anything out but rather the heart to explore and experience.  I think I am finally really in my body as a sexual being and I’m ready to see what that feels like with someone.  Your work is definitely a contributing factor. 

Dear Ami,

Thank you for writing.  It sounds like there’s some real attraction between you and the woman that you speak of.  This attraction has the potential to create a sexual identity rebirth as your old views of our sexuality collapse and a new framework emerges.

It also sounds like you might be bi-curious, or your curiosity might lead you into bi-sensual or bi-sexual realms.  Stoking the flames of a fiery attraction to someone of our own gender can raise your inner eye’s eyebrow if you’ve previously self-identified as only liking the opposite gender.

There are several layers of polarity around the masculine and feminine we can examine in our states of attraction – one is, what kind of body does the person have, then, does that body sexually prefer their own gender or the opposite, then, does their energy body hold core masculine energy or core feminine energy that prefers same core energy or opposite core energy.

An experience that has stretched my understanding of energy body attraction is a BDSM couple M’Lady & Marine who often presented workshops at Dark Odyssey – a national kink conference.  M’Lady was a domme, who was a woman who identified as a lesbian with core feminine energy.  Marine was a born a woman, identified as a woman with core masculine energy.  Marine’s core masculine energy was so strong, it trumped most of the masculine energy in the room from even male bodied, male-identified, core masculine male energy.  I myself recall having an incredible visceral emotional, physical and psychological turn-on just being in the same room with Marine.  I myself, self-identified at the time as bi-sensual enjoying sexual relationships with men and close physical and emotional intimacy with women, but I was sexually turned onto Marine because of the core masculine energy she held. Her body, while it was physical technically a woman’s body, looked like that of a well-trained Marine – sharp physical features, big hulking muscles and a strong internal core.  To add another layer, he was also the submissive in the relationship with M’Lady.  It was more than my sexual identity could metabolize at the time which increased my body and energy turn on because it was something I didn’t have an inner container for at the time. So to recap we have a female, lesbian, domme with core feminine energy who’s partner is a female lesbian submissive with core masculine energy.

Sometimes bi-sensuals are also called bi-romantics.  The same goes for pan-sensuals – they are romantically attracted to the person and that individual’s energy, though not necessarily on a sexual level, or their entry point of attraction is romantic and energetic and then that leads to sexual attraction.  Bi-sexuals find themselves sexually attracted to individuals of both sexes.  Same with Pan-sexuals which also includes sexual attraction to trans, cross-gender, intersexual, hermaphrodites and asexuals to name a few.

Over the course of our life, our sexuality and its self-expression can grow, change and evolve, much like our spirituality and our politics 😉  New information, new insights can recalibrate our entire being.  Sounds like your system said “I was a woman, attracted to men, but now there’s this woman I’m attracted to, what does that make me?”  Answer: More attractive!  If this is the only woman you’ve found yourself attracted to and you regularly find yourself attracted to male-bodied men with core masculine energy I invite you examine if the woman you are attracted to her because she has masculine energy.  Are you attracted to her physical body, or her energy body?  Is your sexuality becoming more fluid into a place where just attraction is present or is it important enough to you that that attraction has to relate to a specific set of genitals.

I am at this point in my sexuality something I call pan-sensual, for me this means being attracted to the energy of the person rather than a particular gender-body or body’s genitals.  This also for me includes sensual experiences with and in nature with the elements, the ocean, Source.  I have at other times identified as heterosexual and bi-sensual.  Nature is always changing and evolving and so are we and so is our sexuality.  When we get to a place of sexual identity break-down there is often a great deal of turn on in our bodies because there is extra charge around the situation.  If we are attracted to someone/something in a way we don’t understand or that steps out of our box, the ‘taboo’ can make it more attractive, hence the Pandora’s Box reference in your email.  Bottom line – Enjoy the evolution!

Lunar Dominant Masculine Sexuality

Lunar Dominant Masculine Sexuality – A Case Study

My practice is like a nature walk – on each encounter with a new client, we take a journey, never quite knowing where we’re going or what we’ll discover along the way.  We trust in our full surrender to universal guidance and divine transmission that we will be lead in the right direction in a state of grace.  This week held a particularly inspiring journey that I felt called to share.

A new journey began this week as I met with first time client, Gabe.  Gabe is a handsome massage therapist and yoga practitioner in his mid thirties.  He is tall with a beautiful body and a gentle spirit. Gabe contacted me specifically around his interest in Shamanism and also hinted that he felt he had blocks in his system particularly around sexuality.  Many of his questions and contemplations around relationships and sexuality were deeply thought out and held profound insights that had come from true introspection on his part.  Gabe had recently broken up from his relationship of two years with his live-in girlfriend and contacted me with the impression he was blocked or stuck around his sexuality.  When I inquired further, he said it took him time to find a connection or feel a connection in sex.

Gabe explained to me in the past, his girlfriend would often desire sex or initiate sex, which generally resulted in Gabe doing his best to please her, but ultimately leaving the experience one-sided and on his part void of intimacy or true connection.  Gabe found these interactions difficult and found himself challenged in his ability to stay present for sex or to generate the connection that both he and his girlfriend desired to experience.  He expressed that he needed time to feel or generate an authentic connection for this desire to awaken and for him to become aroused.  He found it difficult to connect on command.

Gabe expressed to me there were times when his girlfriend or a girl he was dating would reach out and grab at his chest or crotch which instead of turning him on, resulted in him feeling objectified and shutting down.  He had trouble getting or maintaining an erection during intercourse and often defaulted to oral sex as a way to pleasure his partner without having to make himself perform.  This pleasuring while sometimes enjoyable for him, mostly got his girlfriend over until the next time she initiated sexual contact.

I asked Gabe to tell me about the times he did feel connected to his girlfriend or other women he had dated in the past. Successful sexual moments he did site were having sex right after a yoga class, making love after giving his girl friend a massage, passionate encounters unfolding when meditating with his beloved.   “I want the women I date to be attracted to what’s inside me,” Gabe confided.

In an energy assessment, I could see that Gabe’s soul body was deeply interwoven into the sexual desire within his physical body.  Based on what I perceived, I was not surprised that Gabe could not find himself aroused from outward sexual suggestiveness or isolated sexual acts.  His soul body desired to be witnessed with the power of deep presence before his sexuality would awaken.  Sexual Shaman Kenneth Ray Stubbs talks in depth about the distinction of the four energy bodies and their ability to orgasm in documentary Path of the Sexual Shaman.  The circuitry for Gabe’s sexual turn on in his physical body was located within his soul. Uninspired by the common form of masculine arousal coming from sight based desire, Gabe’s erotic connection needed to ignite from the inside out, not from the outside in.

We began with a clearing where we burned Artemsia – a powerful herb, which helps anchor the soul body into the physical body, bringing it into deep presence and connection within oneself.  We then did a simple meditation where we began with bringing our awareness to the outer most layer of the skin and working our way in to find the inner most and truest layer of self where our divine essence exists.  This inner most layer is always available to us but is often one that we forget to access as we default to more surface based way of connecting.  During our meditation, when we both journeyed to this inner place, tears welled up in our eyes and an erection in Gabe’s shorts.  “The connection is incredible.  I’m so open and turned on.  I feel like I’m flying and I also feel so nervous and vulnerable.”  Gabe’s soul body was luminous and powerful and in its presence and awakening, his physical body went into full force arousal.

We then explored various degrees of openness within his soul body so as not to overwhelm his system.  We explored fully open, opened at half-mast, and being completely contained and wearing our opening behind a veil, knowing we need only part the curtain to find it again.

I asked Gabe to drop into his soul body connection and ask to be shown a symbol for this connection within him that he could use to access this space at will.  After a second he laughed and opened his eyes.  “What did you see?” I asked.  “A white circle..?”  He said confused.  Duh!  I thought – The image of the full moon.  It was indeed the night of the full moon where our energies were at their peak and lunar energy was fully present on the Earth.  “You’re lunar dominant,” I blurted out not even really sure I knew what that meant.  Tears welled up in Gabe’s eyes.  “That makes so much sense,” he marveled.  “Other intuitives have told me I have a strong connection with the moon.”

In Taosit tradition, it is said masculine sexuality is like fire – quick to ignite and quick to extinguish where feminine sexuality is like water – taking a long time to rise to a boil but sustainable and rolling when tended long and well.  On the most basic level, Gabe’s sexuality was core water and feminine and like waters of the world, it was governed by the moon.  Because there are many preconceived ideas of masculine and feminine and this polarity I’ll take a moment to clarify that by feminine I do not mean woman in gender –terms, nor masculine to mean male based, but am rather referring to a quality and/or characteristic of energy.

Each of us has certain rhythms and cycles to our inner body, emotions, mind-sets.  Most commonly referenced, for women, our menstrual cycles frequently sync with the lunar cycles and to the cycles of other women.  Men, less commonly discussed, are also subject to influence of lunar cycles even though in our western world we commonly perceive the masculine to be solar dominant as we live by a solar dominant calendar and in a solar dominant society and thus solar dominant sexuality – always turned on.  But what does lunar dominant masculine sexuality look like?  For Gabe – it looks like nurturing presence, intimacy and connection of his soul body during sex.  With this piece of information, instead of blaming or judging himself as blocked or broken, Gabe is now seeing the unique beauty of his sexual desire within his soul.  He can now move forward celebrating his lunar dominant sexuality by being aware of what is going to turn him on and creating those situations and seeking a partner who is ready to connect on a sexual soul level.

Another piece Gabe and I examined in our time together was how Gabe was actually getting into relationship and meeting his partners. When I asked him how his relationships with women generally started, he told me that women were generally the ones to approach him and make the first move.. I inquired if he had felt attracted to or magnetized towards these women initially and he said no – while they were beautiful, he didn’t feel his soul calling to be with them.  I asked him if there were women he was attracted to on a soul level and if he had approached them or ever asked them out.  He said he did experience attractions to certain women but never acted on them.  Gabe and I discussed that each time he chose not to do that he was telling his soul and its sexual desire that it didn’t have to be honored or taken seriously.  This struck Gabe deeply.  I gave him the home assignment of listening for the connection and vibration of attraction towards a specific woman and to acting on that desire through engaging the woman in conversation.  In addition, Gabe also agreed to get an app for his phone that charts the moons phases so he could better understand his own cycles and how the moon physical body and soul body.

I was deeply moved by my session with Gabe and was humbled in contemplating this form of masculine sexuality and the depth and complexity of its sensitivity. Of course we desire deep connection with another to inspire our sexuality but Gabe’s sexuality has taken sacred sex to a whole other level.  In sacred sex, we seek the sacred through sex, in Gabe’s paradigm, we must be the sacred first to initiate sex.  Gabe’s soul has an inner bullshit meter for sacred sexuality and it comes out as a ruthless ref calling foul on any false play. “I’m not feeling it,” his soul will tell him.

Gabe’s ideal future partner will be one who is interested in the spiritual dimensions of sexuality and is on their own journey of self-inquiry.  In session work, I am often shown different cultural, religious and spiritual blueprints and pattering of sexuality that are on the planet, and I feel Gabe embodies a new form of masculine sexuality.  As the women I work with articulate wanting a deeper and more spiritual connection in sex, I wonder secretly if they have the patience for this new masculine that has sex only from soul connection. Women – are you ready for him?

For more information about Isis and her work visit www.sensualshaman.com